Off The Pill

I've been on the pill since I was 18 (it probably would have been earlier if it weren't for the fact that my Mum thought it would promote promiscuity and our Doctors surgery was too far away for me to get to without her knowing). I lucked out and never had any noticeable problems with the first pill I was put on.

When I moved over here I brought a years worth of the pill with me, but once I married and got heath insurance coverage I found an OB and she found a pill with the same active ingredients.

It threw me off a little bit, I put on weight (also not helped by the portion sizes), my skin got spottier and my libido dropped. Told by the doctor that the pill could do no such thing it was all written off as being due to the rather major life changes going on (I will concede these were a factor, but I think the pill change helped too).

Then a few months ago my pill got changed. In Texas pharmacies are allowed to switch in generics in place of brand names. This doesn't bother me usually, it means I pay less (for example, when I had the ear surgery the antibiotic drops I needed didn't have a generic available so even with my insurance I ended up paying $60 for one weeks worth of drops, I paid less than $10 for the 3 other items I was picking up at the same time).

It's surprising to me how much a change in inactive ingredients can cause chaos with the body. Of course the active ingredients - the hormone balance is supposed to be the same. Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't, but later research showed that pills that are theoretically the same can have differing inactive ingredients that can cause different changes in the body.

My libido plummeted, I mean, really plummeted (poor husband!) and I was under a black cloud, moody and miserable. I took a long hard look at everything and decided that for my sanity I needed to get off the pill, and preferably off of anything hormone related.

It came down to between an IUD and Natural Family Planning (bearing in mind whatever we did would be in tandem with condom use). Looking up the non-hormone IUD I was really unhappy with the idea of it. Aside from several references to doctors not being 100% sure how it worked, but mostly it seems like it causes a permanent state of infection in the uterus, so the extra white blood cells are present and therefore fight off any incoming sperm. But side effects (aside from your body flat out expelling it - more likely if used before ever becoming pregnant) include intense pain, extra heavy, painful periods, continuous bleeding all the way to permanent infertility. None of these sounded appealing! Plus taking a long term birth control method and using it for only a couple of years seemed not worth the time/effort/cost (it's a sad sad day with cost factors into health care choices!).

Which left Natural Family Planning. I had to stress heavily to the husband that this was not withdrawal, or calendar method which are both horribly ineffective. But studies had shown that NFP used responsibly can be as effective as the pill.

It does take some dedication, I'm taking my temperature every morning, checking my cervical fluid throughout the day, and then checking my cervical position. Now, technically you don't have to check all three, but I'm being thorough!

I've made my way through one cycle off of the pill and it's been eye opening. The hormone withdrawals, and my body trying to re-balance itself has led to a month of cramps and mood swings... It's really not been a fun experience. But I actually ovulated (not always common until a month or two after being off the pill), and while my cycle was extended it's a lovely positive sign to show my body isn't too screwed up.

It could still be a while for things to settle down fully, but it's a start, and it can only get better. Coping wise it helps me to be more in control and while I had a long talk with the husband over how this did open the door to an accidental oops (or even an "accidental" oops), he trusts that I wouldn't do that on purpose, which makes me more dedicated to charting properly so it doesn't happen even accidentally. Sounds silly I'm sure.

I also think it's beneficial that it's making me more in tune with my body, I'm paying attention to the signals and symptoms my body makes which can only be a good thing. I think that I'm taking this a lot more calmly now than if I had stayed on the pill until just before we wanted to start trying to conceive, I'd be a lot more frantic over things being not being right yet.

Baby Day

My depression went really bad the other day, so a friend offered to come down and give me baby therapy with her toddler and new baby. Was really nice. We met in a local cafe that's popular with our crowd, met up with a few other people and I was greeted by the toddler and handed the baby, who settled, fussed, yawned, settled and slept - which was exactly what I needed.

One of the other women there is pregnant so it was nice to catch up with her and her progress. We briefly touched on the financial implications of baby-making and both agreed it's too scary to really face right now. They have a budget plan but it means going without things they are used to having and her maternity package is really good. Frightened me when I look at what my options are and especially the cost of childcare :/

Another friend was being a bit broody but I don't think she realised I was having depression-related baby therapy rather than broody-related; she kept asking for baby to be passed to her but everyone else sort of put her off by pointing out that it might wake him, for which I was very grateful. It was annoying cos she knows how broody I am and she had spent some time already with toddler (who is a lovely toddler I enjoy spending time with very much) and I presume with baby too, so it felt selfish.

Bah. Will stop being mean. Baby time was good.

Have found recently that I get cross with myself when I drink coffee or alcohol or other things that I hear are bad for foetuses - I tell myself off for damaging a foetus that isn't even there. This is probably not healthy but I'm not sure what to do about it, beyond ignoring that voice and just getting on with things.

I probably do drink too much coffee, though, so cutting that down a bit wouldn't hurt for general health reasons.