Future Children

I have been thinking a lot about my children recently and I'm so afraid I will never meet them.

It sort of follows on from Rosslyn's post about spirit babies. There are two children I very clearly see in my future, although the order in which they're born seems to be shifting and I'm really afraid, on some strange level, that that means I'm going to end up losing one of those children. They feel as powerfully mine as if they were already born.

I try not to think about them because I worry that I'll place to great a burden on them once they are born to be as I picture them now and that that could cause major problems for them but it is very difficult. They absorb a large part of my waking life.

I want to have them with me now, not at some unknown time in the future. I'm finding it difficult to accept that I still have to wait. It doesn't seem right.