I have to believe that hubs may change his mind and decide to start a family sooner.
I have to believe that having conversations about how we'll raise our kids is him taking a step towards this decision.
I have to believe that him interacting and playing with our friends' offspring is him moving closer to being ready.
I have to keep the hope that if that isn't the case maybe the stars will align and the pill and the condom will both fail magically at the perfect time of the month to conceive.
I have to maintain these illusions because the thought of feeling like this for over two more years (after citizenship) or even over 3 years (when my loan is cleared) until he's ready paralyses me.
I can't comprehend feeling like this for that long, I can't do it it's impossible!
I'll do it, if I have to, but I can't guarantee that my sanity will be in tact by the end of it.
That sums up very much how I feel. It's ... frustrating to say the least.
ReplyDeleteI hope your hubs does realise you can acheive more than one thing at a time :/
I think it's part of why I've been putting off sitting him down and talking about it - I don't want to face the reality that nothing has changed and he still wants to wait 3 years minimum :(
ReplyDeleteWhat about giving him this link and saying, "please read this. If it's not something you are willing to talk about now then don't say anything to me, just leave me with my illusions. If it's something you might consider, come and tell me in your own time." You could even leave him a note somewhere you'll know he'll see it, but then you won't know when he's read it. It hands the situation over to him. If you don't want him to see the shared blog you could always copy and paste it into a private blog that you just share with him. They're really easy to set up.
ReplyDelete