Feeling Insane

Earlier this month I discovered that grapefruit juice can interfere with the pill. It came as a bit of a surprise, I knew that it interacted with some various other medications but had never realised the pill was one of them. I drink a fair amount of grapefruit juice given half a chance and had just gotten through a litre bottle of it in short time prior to reading the article.

Skip to this week. I'm having the worst cramps prior to my period that I have ever had. I move and it feels all stabbity and not fun. I start convincing myself that it must mean something, it can't be random.. Perhaps, the grapefruit juice did it's thing at the same time as a condom failing, and maybe, just maybe I'm pregnant.

As I'm sure you understand, once that idea gets into my head I can't shake it. As the days creep past, from "well, my period might start today if it were going to" then "it would normally start today" and once I hit that I'm almost certain that it's not going to show. I get to "mildly late" and start spotting. Of course it's actually my period starting, but I have the idea so set in my head that that little voice is telling me that it can't be my period, it must be implantation bleeding - irregardless that if that was the case if would have been a week or so ago.

So here I am, on my period. Feeling like I must be bat-shit-crazy. I know, all the way through, that the chances are so minimally small that I'm not pregnant, and I'm not going to be for a long while. But my brain just hooks on that small chance, that feeling slightly different to the point where I can almost convince myself.. and then my period rolls around and it feels like I have to mourn a pregnancy that didn't even exist even though I know it didn't exist in the first place.

... I think I'm getting worse