Why isn't there a male pill?

In our relationship, i am ready for a baby. I think in terms of where we're living and our income and where i am, physically and emotionally, we could have a baby. Ok, so i probably couldn't give up my job to be a full time mum and i'm not quite sure how i feel about that but it would be a good time for us to have a child other than that - and i think we could work around that.

In our relationship, my partner is not ready for a baby. As i have mentioned before, he has very good reasons and i do my best to respect them, although i find it hard.

What frustrates me, though, is that despite the fact i want a baby and he doesn't, the greater burden of contraception still falls to me. I had the implanon implant removed after three years last February, because the hormones were making me feel bad and i'd had at least one miscarriage and maybe a couple of 'fake' miscarriages caused by the hormones - either way, not an experience i ever want to go through again. I made the decision to have the implant removed because i was tired of the hormones, so i couldn't very well go onto the pill or the injection (which i've had in the past and not reacted well to). I was therefore offered a coil but (head full of baby crazy) i declined because i couldn't deal with a self-inflicted barren status any longer. I felt like i was stripping away part of my womanhood and killing part of who i am.

I asked at the time whether we couldn't just put my boyfriend on the pill and the lady laughed and said "Would you trust him to remember to take it?" he and i laughed back, but inside I seethed at that throwaway line of sexism. Yes, i would trust my partner to remember to take the pill because he doesn't want babies yet and i do. The lady went on to explain that there was one in development but it was too expensive to be put into general production yet. I can sort of accept that, but feel incredibly frustrated that work hadn't begun on it at the same time as the female pill so that we weren't in this position now.

What really annoyed me was last night, when i sighed about having to use a condom and he turned to me and said "it was your choice". No it bloody well wasn't! As i explained as best i could without destroying the mood, if it was my choice, we'd be doing our utmost to get me pregnant and that would definitely not include condoms! And as he is the one who doesn't want a baby, he should be the one taking responsibility for controlling his fertility. That burden shouldn't be falling to me too.

FKL.