I realised something recently that scared me: we really are, financially and space-wise, in a postition to start having children. We'd need to move if we wanted more than one, and then finances would be a problem as this flat is a steal, location- and size-wise, but not only is it doable, my work would be supportive of me having time off for maternity - i've only been there a couple of months but am very much at the younger end of the scale so most of the other people have children or evening grand-children already so they have a certain degree of sympathy (although I haven't risked releasing the full baby-crazy on them!). I like my job and the people there, so that's surprisingly important to me.
The only thing holding us back is my partner. As I've commented before, he does have a couple of good reasons for delaying, which I may elaborate on further down the line but not just yet. What annoys me is how far behind rubbish excuses he hides - he tries telling me we don't have space when we clearly do, or that we can't afford it when we clearly can, or that we won't be able to go out for the evening when we so rarely do anyway that I can't see it making any difference. Maybe the difference is that we can go out whenever we want that's important, but I have less of a feeling of that because I'm not insured on our car and it being the type of car it is, we can't afford to run two cars - which means if I want to travel any distance then I need a lift. So for me, it won't make a huge impact on my current situation.
I love him. I need him to hurry up and be ready too because I'm afraid I may not be able to hold on much longer.
FKL
Hold in there. Has he seen these posts? Can you ask him to write a list of all his reasons and then sit down and ask him to talk through each of them. You have good counter arguments to his reasons but I think the point he will not raise is fear and nothing but experience can cure fear and experience can only come if he says yes... Have you considered going to the doctors or GUM clinic and explaining how you feel and asking if they would recommend that you have a child. Mine did. Depending on his respect for the medical profession that may hold some sway. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteHe doesn't read the posts, but he knows I write them. Fear is definitely a reason - he addresses it in part but mostly he is not in the least comfortable discussing the subject, which makes it very difficult to talk things through.
ReplyDeleteThe fear is the largest part of what convinces me he'll be a good dad (and not just me, but a lot of our friends, as it turns out). I'm trying to encourage him to spend time with other people's children as much as possible, and encouraging him to hear even the worst stories parents have to tell so he can be prepared.
The doctors etc I've spoken with before have all pointed out I'm young and have plenty of time. There's only so many times you can hear that before wanting to scream!