I broke down in front of my husband today. I really didn't mean to and it came from no where. I had just learnt that a close friend is having another baby but I thought I was fine with it. I said to him, jokingly, "But I want one!" and he said, "yeah...And." And something in my just snapped. I said, "It's more complicated than that" and he said "how? You're just about to start the job you've always wanted and you said that had to come first" I walked into the kitchen and started to cry.
He was brilliant. He came and gave me a hug and tried to understand.
It's very difficult to explain when I don't even understand, but I think he's getting how much it bothers me now. We both know we need to wait just a little longer.
Just thought I'd make a note of today. It threw me, I'm usually better controlled. I still feel oddly weak and weepy. Hopefully work will distract me from tomorrow!
Sometimes we meed to slip up and let them see, (easy enough to say when I still try and hide most of how I'm feeling). I was having a lousy few days when M asked if I was feeling better, I snapped at him that I was never feeling better I just hid it better.. he went all quiet and thoughtful.
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