Taking Charge

After our talk at the start of the month I have stepped up and set some goals. On the basis that we have approximately 3 years that's plenty of time to get our lives in order.

First up is a household budget. Now, we don't live hand to mouth, but we seem to hemorrhage money more than we reasonably should. It doesn't help that we're essentially a one income household, most of my wages go to my loan, what little I have left gets split between bills and going to my retirement account. So I made us sit down and see where our money is going, and we made a plan.

I feel kind of like a bitch by taking the husband and telling him how we're spending his money, but it is >our< household and our life.

In the new year when our health insurance changes we'll be taking the extra money from that to a joint savings account to use for medical bills and house emergencies.

I've banned us from doing any more home renovations until a) the lounge is finished (we're missing door frames and skirting boards right now) and b) until the credit card is paid off. I didn't realise his credit card had quite so much on it, so that's getting cleared.

And to help with the budgeting we will be starting menu planning so we don't splurge at the supermarket. And it'll help us keep to the healthy eating plan which is the next step.

I have about 30lb to lose to get below being "obese," personally I think bmi measurements are all manner of bullshit, but it's what a lot of those in the medical profession use as a guide to determine whether I'll get the birth of my choice or bullied and browbeat into c-section.

It doesn't stop the hurt, it doesn't stop the pain and the tears. But it helps to be working on something productive that will put us in a better place to be once we do get to start our family.

I've been trying to spend time with our friend's babies. I end up mopey afterwards, but I do enjoy the time with them - especially since I never babysat when I was younger so I have very little actual real experience with childcare. The eldest is 11 months right now and it's been wonderful to see him grow.

There is the part of me that wants to spurn them, that is jealous and comes away from every encounter hurting. But it's not their fault.