Something new

...and not in a good way. I'm usually fairly laid back and relaxed, but recently I've been getting... well, angry. It doesn't seem to be at anything in particular, just generally. It's starting to become a default response to most things that in the past might have irked, annoyed, or even just been laughed off. This seems to become most apparent when I'm reading posts on social network sites. I'll get unreasonably annoyed by something someone has posted, often yelling at my computer screen. More often than not these are posts by parents either complaining about their children, or how annoying it is having to wash up after their children, or sometimes a parent simply telling of something slightly amusing or cute their child did that day. Then I get angry. I can't tell you at what exactly. I try very hard not to be angry at the parent, but I know I am. I'm then in a foul mood and likely to get angry at my SO which doesn't help as he has no idea why and I can't explain it.

There are so many things that can make me angry now. This weekend I was at a LARP (Live-action Role-play) event (google it, it's good fun but difficult to explain succinctly). I was monstering the event meaning that I took on various roles as deigned by the refs and did not play the same character for the whole event. One of the characters I was asked to play was a young (about 5 years old) girl. This is not exactly new as I often play the little girl, I'm quite good at it. Through the course of the night and into the next day I played this child who had watched her mother being eaten by monsters, she was scared and cried quite a bit, she was also given a dagger (yeah, they were not the type of people one would call if they needed a nanny, but they did OK). After playing these girls we were eventually told by the refs that we were to give it 30 seconds and change into demons. We duly did and were of course killed by the players. After that I stood in the monster camp and felt so angry I was nearly crying. I didn't want my little girl to die, I had wanted her to live. She had been imagining a wonderful life with her new family. I had to take a few minuets, luckily I didn't seem to be needed and was able to take that time. I even shed a few tears. I honestly don't know why. Thinking back to it now even makes me choke up a little! A few moments later I was called up to play an imp and returned to the battle field, I hit things and was felled swiftly as is the way of the game. I'm sure that had anyone had the chance to look into my face and seen the tears running down it they would not have taken a second look. I have watery eyes anyway, and there was a bit of a wind. No one noticed and, after a while, I didn't notice. After the anger I was able to carry on, but the sadness didn't leave for a long time. I still feel oddly disconnected.

What that particular event has to do with the baby crazy I don't know, but something in me says it does. So if anyone has any ideas I'll gladly hear them. 


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