Looking Forward in Terror

Our hopes of owning our own place creep forward. This is pretty key to having a baby - owning somewhere that has space enough is the first pre-requisite on Husbit's list. The flat we're buying is only a one-bed but it's a start and it's a decent size one-bed and once you own anywhere it can be easier to move up. So I keep telling myself. Compromise sucks. I hate that I've waited so much longer than I wanted already, for the sake of having things in order first. I've realised my childhood assumptions that money wouldn't be a big deal - that it would be easy for my partner to earn enough that I didn't need to earn at all and we could still own a house by the time I was 25 - were childish and that was a painful moment (and continues to be painful every time another dream bubble pops beneath reality's feet). I'm accepting that I will need to stay in work and that we will need to make more financial sacrifices than I'd thought or wanted to when we finally get there. And that's where the fear comes in. I want to be having babies but I'm afraid that we will have to sacrifice too much and that it won't work and that triggers off all the other fears - that I'll be a bad mum, that I'll have a terribly difficult pregnancy, that I won't bond with my children, etc, etc, etc. I don't want to be scared about something I desire so much, especially when it's still so far off. I'm trying to be realistic and enjoy those parts of my life that I won't have once I have a child, but sometimes I need to rant.